nclex

february 6th is the date, 8am is the hour.  deep breath in.

you take the good you take the bad

remember that old song?  today has been a very “facts of life” day.  good news and bad news all mixed up in the day, causing me to be very introspective and questioning.  seems like i have had too much time off school because i am thinking way too much!  and today i started working on my classes and they are quite overwhelming –  just a lot of writing and deadlines and with working nights it worries me that i am going to sleep through a deadline or something.  that mixed with nclex in the next month and i am having a bit of anxiety…doesn’t help jason is out of town.  which is a whole different topic.  so sorry my blog readers i am venting to the world because my husband is not here to hear me so you, if you are still reading at this point, are having to hear it.   but i do feel better now, so thanks.

he echos

i am reading the sacred echo right now by margaret feinberg…very good book.   i got hooked on her back in my 20’s when i was a twentysomething looking for somewhere to go and something to be.  i have aged along with her style, taste, and writing topics and i enjoy keeping up with them.  i read organic god sometime back, her book on marriage when jason and i were married and most recently scouting the divine.  but nowhere could i find the sacred echo although i knew it had been out longer.  i searched and searched and finally had to just take the time to order it from her website.  i am not finished yet, which is unusual for me but it is a book on prayer.  and praying.  and honestly has slowed me down.  i am just downright weird about prayer.  i feel like i am a horrible pray-er sometimes.  i have no rhyme or reason or set time to praying.  i pray all the time and sporadically all at the same time.  i believe god will and can answer my smallest prayers from finding my keys or a lost piece of paper to the biggest dreams and desires of my heart; because i have experienced it.  i am demanding sometimes, i am frightened sometimes, i beg sometimes, i become incredibly emotional sometimes…and sometimes i don’t feel like i am doing much at all.  i see answers immediately and i feel like i never hear back.  i doubt what i feel and what i hear.  the phrase that caught my eye and made me catch my breath was on back cover of the book….he echos…he echos…he echos.  he is echoing now, i am trying to hear.

trust

trust is a tricky thing…it takes a lot to gain trust, many hours together to put your trust in someone or something and yet in just one moment or an instance it can be lost…sometimes forever.  i am starting a study on trust and what the bible says, and who, and why, and when we should re-trust.  it is tricky indeed.  the bible verse we are memorizing this week is “trust in the lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” proverbs 3:5-6.  how appropriate it is we are learning and i am quoting it over and over this week.  i need help in this area right now, i trust my lord, i don’t necessarily have a good trust of people especially if i have been mislead or had my feelings hurt by them before.  i am seeking answers.

time keeps on ticking

we are on vacation!!!  14 days of sleeping in, shopping at the outlets, and eating wonderful food.  the first day was perfect and today has been pretty great as well.  i hope you are all having a great time with your friends and families over the holidays and cherishing the ones you love.  time with loved ones cannot be replaced with things or trips or business…time and memories are pretty much the most important things you can share with each other.  i wish you all a very merry christmas and i hope to see you soon, so we can spend some time together. 

NICU

i got the job in the nicu!!!!!!!!!  so excited, and to know right before we leave for the christmas holidays makes it that much sweeter.  i had lots of heartache and heartbreak looking for my first nursing position.  jason and i argued and we prayed and vowed we would sacrifice to get me where i needed to be.  and all along god was up there smiling and knowing this was coming with a little patience.  it makes me feel so humbled and grateful to know that i serve a father that knows my dreams and desires and longs to bless me with them.  i know that i am blessed and i only hope that i can serve him and be a light and use all the blessings he has given me to bless and to serve others.  and i hope god knows just how grateful and thankful i am!

growing

“I recently grabbed a bottle of wine that while decent, definitely tasted “young” when first opened…  New wine to put it generally, tastes “sharper” than older wine while the older stuff, or the wine that’s drunk at the proper age, since that is different for different varieties, is more mellow, rounded, and has much more depth of flavor.

Now, it’s not exactly revolutionary to compare growing older with wine…There was, however, a specific thought that popped into my head as I sipped away.   When we are young we’re prone to passions and extremes, or, at least, I was.  We’re right, invincible, and charging full-steam ahead on whatever it is we feel strongly about today.  Growing older ought to see a depth of flavor and insight, less rashness, and an overall graciousness that develops as we finally get over those “adolescent fears”…

And while the passion remains, and indeed, grows and deepens, it does so with a depth of character not indicated by the impulsiveness and sometimes melodramatic dogmatism of our youth.  As we grow more comfortable with who we are, we are free to listen and seek to understand without becoming defensive.  We are free to extend gracious welcomes and put others at ease, caring for them and respecting them without either compromising our own core beliefs nor rejecting them for theirs.  In other words, we are free to be more fully human, the way we were intended to be when we were created.

Moving into this requires first an understanding of who we are as God’s beloved children, loved not for what we can do, but simply for who we are. Loved no more nor less for our accomplishments or failures, simply loved beyond all comprehension by the one who loved us enough to imagine us into being in the first place.

Now, this is a picture, an ideal if you will, I’m not trying to say I’ve suddenly arrived at this state.  It’s where I want to go from here as I move forward into my next thirty years. Actually, there is no arrival, it’s a continual process, a constant becoming.”

(This is part of a post from Anna Howard, that exactly captured the way I felt about turning 30.  There was something I couldn’t quite put into words that I felt about that moment.  I did not dread but anticipated what it represented, I am glad she was able to so beautifully capture it into the written form)

three

three years ago today on a beautiful frosty november morning i awoke at 5am, immediately sat straight up in bed and said – oh my gosh, today is my wedding day…i am getting married!!!!!  i was sleeping with michelle who for some reason didn’t feel quite the same urgency as me, so i stole out to watch the sunrise and think about what the day would hold.  i knew it would be over so fast and i wanted to savor every single moment.  i knocked on dad’s door about 6 because i knew he would be up and we went out into the lobby and had coffee in front of the fireplace. about 7 i made mom and terry wake up and jumped into bed with them until they kicked me out because i was too boisterous.  we all went and had breakfast although i couldn’t eat much.  jeremy and aubrey were down in the lobby when we got back having breakfast so i sat with them and chatted until about 9 and then realized i need to be at the church in 30 minutes!  after that everything was a blur, getting my hair done, makeup, pictures, dress, more pictures, and then all of the sudden it was time, my love was at the altar waiting for me.  dad brought me down, lifted my veil and with a kiss and a word i was handed over to jason.  the ceremony went without a hitch, the reception was over before it began, and then we were whisked away in our limo for a glorious week of travel and romance.  i couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day, with all my friends, family, and loved ones celebrating the beginning of our lives together.  now three years later, i am more in love than every before.  i have found my husband to be more complex than i imagined, our problems to be more simple.  i realize and thank god everyday that he created such as man as he did to complement and foil me in a most perfect way.  i cannot wait to see what the next three years hold, and the three after that, and the three after that, and the three after that…………….

the kingdom of heaven

Matthew 13
44 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and for joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.
45 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, 46 who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.

The Lamb who was slain is worthy! 

 

droid

i just got verizon’s new droid eris…i am already head over heels in love with this sexy piece of machinery.  i tried the moto droid but it just didn’t entice me the same way…it was all angles and bulk and the keyboard was a hot mess, and this one is sleek and curvy and all touch screen.  i have been playing on it for hours and haven’t gotten bored yet, although i did manage to put off studying for hesi…oops :0)  oh well i am just droid crazy tonight!  jason upgraded to the imagio but they had problems getting it activated for him, so he can’t pick it up until tomorrow.  i felt sorry for him cause i was playing with my new toy and he had to leave his behind, it has been a busy week and the month ahead promises to be even busier.  i hope i see some of you around soon, because we are headed to the west coast for the holidays and won’t be back until after new years.  only 39 days until graduation…woohoo.  that is all my rambling for tonight…goodnight all