black beauty

well…if you don’t know, last saturday i  somehow managed to total my car, and when say total i mean…even i knew it was totaled.  i was driving home from work around 4:30pm i had been stopped at a train and was almost home on old military road.  and then BAM before i knew what was really happening i was slamming into a car.  i was going around 35-40 mph and he was pretty much stopped, it was one of those rare instances where you look away at just the wrong moment…and he slammed on his brakes to keep from hitting a car that decided to turn last minuted, and so when i looked up he was almost stopped and i was still going.  both of my airbags deployed and i have never been quite so flustered..they hit me so hard and all this dust flew everywhere and it was like smoke, burning my eyes but i was afraid to move for a second before i had assessed how bad i was hit/hurt.  but i was fine, sore for a few days and a small scratch/scrape along my arm.  the guy in front of me was perfectly ok and we both walked away.  my officer’s name was j.lucky…:)

so all that being said…they did call my car a total loss, and cut me a check for it.  so jason and i have spent the last week looking, and looking, and looking for a car.  it is not as much fun as it used to be.  we even went to dallas for a couple of days, they have a lot more to choose from and really helped us narrow down exactly what we wanted.  then finally after some “debating” over the price we came back to arkansas and bought this gorgeous toyota rav4 v6 4×4 in black with grey leather interior…she is a gorgeous piece of machinery.  we feel very blessed that the lord kept me safe, and we received a nice settlement for the car and were able to find something that both jason and i both fell in love with…and since all cars must have a name…i named her black beauty.

quick update

we are not selling our house right now sadly…will post more later.

day off

yay today is my day off, and i am refusing to study or do anything school related except for about an hour finishing my “brain” because i have to turn it in by 8pm.  i have goofed off on the computer for about an hour, i am about to go fix a late breakfast and sip on my coffee and read some c.s lewis cause i am digging him right now.  then, i am going to do maybe a 2 loads of laundry max and go to the grocery store, lastly i am meeting breanne and heidi for dinner at my favorite restaurant lillys dim sum, and then off to holly’s to make my first poster board presentation since jr. high. i would say i am in for a great day, and hopefully by the end of it i will be rested!  this weekend i am headed to the passage retreat with a bunch of 15 yr olds…so no sleep until my sunday afternoon nap lol!

wiped

i am so wiped out today, and it makes me sad because it is so beautiful outside right now but i don’t even have the energy to enjoy it…sigh…this accelerated program may be my downfall.  if you are a praying person, pray for me to have energy, strength, stamina, discipline, and a sound and clear mind.  that is all.

who needs a doctor?

jesus said, “healthy people don’t need a doctor – sick people do.” then he added, “go and learn the meaning of this scripture: ‘ i want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’ 

thought provoking…

matthew 9:12-13

moving

ok hold breath, cross fingers, pray vigorously!  the appraiser came by the house yesterday, the inspector is going to be here tomorrow, and the title company called to ask for the mortgage account number so they could get the payoff amount…we could be closing on the house in the next couple of weeks if all goes well.  i am not a pessimist as my friend holly called me today, but i am a realist and i don’t want to get all excited about moving and then have everything fall through.  so i haven’t started packing yet, but i have started…culling…or as my husband would call it, throwing away anything i deem superfluous. :) and i did go and plunk a deposit down on my favorite downtown apartment so they would hold it for us…just in case the deal does go through.  i am most excited about living down by the river…the rivertrail that jason and i bike semi-regularly is literally right outside our door.  so i am not ready to start packing, but i am dreaming.

this is me on the rivertrail – cute huh

OB

wow, my ob rotations started today, and although i worked in labor and delivery for 3yrs back in college, i am so in over my head.  there is so much that is happening with a woman’s body during pregnancy it is insane.  i think i would rather just have the baby and not know all the details!  i have many many friends and family pregnant right now, and i really am going to have to keep my mouth shut around them, because really who wants to know all those details??  anyway it is still a bit fascinating, it is just not any kind of common sense that i have.  i am reeling that there were not so many more deaths during child-labor back in the day…and not to knock midwifes, but i am sure going to deliver (when i do become pregnant) at a hospital, just in case of any possible complications!  i seriously pray the lord opens my eyes to the “miracle” of this all because right now it is all so scientific, it is a miracle to me it works at all honestly.  sorry for the mini-freakout, but today was a whole lot of information to process.  and the Psalm 139:13-18 makes more and less sense…i think i will be studying it during the next 5 weeks:

  You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
      and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
  Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
      Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
  You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
      as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
  You saw me before I was born.
      Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
   Every moment was laid out
      before a single day had passed.

  How precious are your thoughts about me,O God.
      They cannot be numbered!
  I can’t even count them;
      they outnumber the grains of sand!
   And when I wake up,
      you are still with me!

my favorite rune

In this fateful hour,
I place all Heaven with its power,
And the sun with its brightness,
And the snow with its whiteness,
And the fire with all the strength it hath,
And the lightning with its rapid wrath,
And the winds with their swiftness along their path,
And the sea with its deepness,
And the rocks with their steepness,
And the Earth with its starkness —
All these I place
By God’s almighty help and grace
Between myself and the powers of darkness.

TDY

hmm its funny how time changes things and people, especially me.  last year when jason came home from iraq i was just so happy to have him in the u.s. all safe and sound etc… that it didn’t really matter to me how long he was home or if he had a few week tdy to do.  i was glad he was within “armsreach” so to speak.  but i realized this morning that we humans are all just the same…once we get used to something we feel entitled to have it.  jason left this morning for a 3 week tdy and honestly i really just didn’t want him to go, at all!  i have gotten used to having him around and feel this incredible possessiveness of him.  i told him last night, that it is probably a really good thing he is going on this trip because  i need to snap out of this.  jason is my husband, but i do not own him…his duty is first to god, second to county, and third to me, and i am a big girl and need to take care of myself sometimes.  and i think it is good for our marriage to be away from each other sometimes, and since being back from iraq i think i have held jason too close to me.  so i am sad this morning because i know this afternoon jason will not be coming home, but i also need to realize that jason is god’s child and so am i, and it is dangerous to rely on a human for needs, because humans are infallible, they misuse, and abuse, and mess up, and they die.  god however is always there, wherever i am he is, whatever i need he provides, he will not fail me.  so…i pray for jason that he does come home, that he is protected and looked after while he is gone and that we both become more reliant on god. and i go and start my day.

3-0

i turned 30 on wednesday and i really was one of the best birthdays i have had in recent years.  i played hooky from school, slept late, had coffee in bed with my sweetie, read my devo and journaled for about an hour.  we finally started moving around about 10 and jason packed up our bikes, and i packed a snack and we hit the river trail.  what a glorious day it was, bright blue skies, 75 degree temps, couldn’t ask for a better day.  we rode for about 15 miles and then headed over to children’s hospital to see my mom and niece who where there for an eye appointment.  i had a late lunch at community bakery, and then we cleaned up and headed to my sister’s in memphis.  we had the most amazing dinner at texas de brazil and laughed and played until 11pm.  i receivednumerous calls from friends and family and felt very blessed indeed.  i spent the next day thinking about the last decade and the decade to come and all i learned and all i hope to accomplish.  now i don’t know what the future holds but i do know what i have learned in the last 10 years:

1. 20 – i learned that i didn’t know as much as i thought i did
2. 21 – i found my Savior and learned the immensity of his Grace
3. 22 – i learned about the fragility of relationships and how quickly they can change
4. 23-  it is quite easy to isolate yourself if you desire to do so and how very dangerous that can be
5. 24 - God indeed has a serious plan that is far beyond my comprehension
6. 25 – i learned the price
7. 26 – i became ok with myself and value who i had become
8. 27 – self-control and happiness are linked
9. 28 – sometimes you have to let go in order to grow forward
10. 29 – you always have to fight to keep the world from engulfing you