left-overs

my refrigerator is full to the brim of groceries and left-overs. this is odd. and unusual. i have cooked every day this week. i usually only cook when i am feeling guilty because i haven’t cooked in weeks and we have been living off of take-out for too long. i know, pathetic…don’t judge. but some exciting changes have happened in the millenaar household, first (and these may or may not be in any particular order) i started a new job which decreased the amount of time spent at work, but secondly increased our monthly income significantly. third i am on a break from school for about 6 months currently. fourth, we sat down recently and worked on “mr. budget” and found out that if we were careful we could (other than my student loans) be pretty much debt free by the end of 2012. and fifth we have started on a journey toward healthier living as a family, including eating more at home and instituting “meatless mondays.”

so what does this all have to do with left-over? i am glad you asked.

i find i have much more time on my hands and much more energy to do something constructive with that time. i.e cooking dinner. i have time and money to buy more groceries than usual and splurge on healthier items like salmon and shrimp. i also have been experimenting with dishes. chinese stir-fry, and shrimp fried rice were my latest. i have to admit meatless mondays have been my greatest challenge thus far, i have lived my entire life centering each meal (with breakfast as an exception) around a meat of some kind. turkey sandwiches for lunch, chicken and vegetables for dinner, and so on. it has taken research and specific grocery food shopping to even have the ingredients in the house for a vegetarian dinner. thanks for all you guys commenting on my facebook pictures, your encouraging words keep me motivated

one final word, jason and i have found a good home church finally. for those of you who have known our struggles since moving here, thank you for your prayers. it is no coincidence to me that we have been feeling happier and healthier at home now that we have consistent place of worship. we are still hesitant in our involvement for multiple reasons, but i think we are making strides in the areas of trust and limitations. it’s still a work in progress. but god doesn’t want our left-overs in this area, he wants the very first of our fruits. and with that i will leave you as i now have even more food (for thought).

reflection

i am in a relatively good period in my personal life right now, bills are paid, home is good, i love my job and work schedule. but as a military wife i am constantly on guard emotionally. this duty station has had it’s ups and down with jason being home and gone but thus far no overseas deployments (knock on wood). 2010 was a rough year we lived apart more than we lived together and that along with pcs’ing to washington dc made for a stressful year. 2011 has been much better, we have only been apart a couple of months and as most military spouses know that is a serious bonus year. i have become a bit spoiled and not quite as on guard so i was caught by surprise when jason brought me some training dates for 2012. sometimes the jolt back to reality causes more inner reflection than i really wanted to face…so this thought from a wise elderly lady made me stop and think and remember to hold on dearly to what i have when i have it and be thankful for that itself.

“grief and i are old friends. when is a good time for your husband to die? is it when he’s young and the two of you have your whole life ahead of you? how about after you have children and you need him there when they’re sick and to help you raise them god’s way? or maybe it’s better after the children are gone and you’re ready for some peaceful years spent watching your grandchildren grow with him by your side? or did you think the best time was when you were old and you’ve both lived a full life and your faces are no longer beautiful but seamed with the lines of time? did you think that was the best time, when it’s been you and him as one for over 45 years? believe me, there is no good time for your mate to die.”

jason is not heading in to a war zone by any stretch of the imagination, but sometimes i need the reminder that everyday is precious with my most beloved ones. the little things can slide sometimes as i re-prioritize. if i don’t post again before christmas, then i want to say to my family and friends that i love you, i miss you, and merry christmas.

millenaar recap

whoa…realized it has been a couple of months since i have blogged. been busy but also been on vacation jason and i spent 9 fabulous days in hawaii for our five year anniversary. we spent the first 4 days on the big island snorkeling, exploring volcanoes, falling more in love. and the last 5 days on oahu with jason’s sister keeli, her husband justin, and our beautiful two year old niece julia. we relaxed, got lots of sun, and reconnected with family. both were very different, but very fun. we had the most fabulous food and incredible views of my short little 32 years.

when i returned i started my new job in the emergency department at children’s hospital. so far i absolutely love it. i feel like a real nurse again, learning, growing, seeing everything under the sun. it is quite fun. also i am back on three twelves my favorite! i love having four days at home to clean, cook, workout, relax, it really makes big difference.

in other news, my best friend has asked me to be her maid of honor. i am so excited for her to be married and so honored that she wants me to stand next to her. i love her so much and am so proud of how far she has come. i simply cannot wait for her wedding!!!

today is thanksgiving and i have more to be thankful for than i can recap. my husband has been home for almost a year (which as many of you know is a true miracle). i have a marvelous and super sweet family that is strong and supportive. i have steady job that i love and a schedule i am grateful for. i am healthy and in love and so is my dear husband. i have wonderful friends in d.c. and all across the country and couldn’t be more grateful for all they have done for me. and finally i have a great big god who has blessed me immensely and watched over me with every step and misstep i have made. i am thankful to him for not just providing but also causing us to thrive. everyday i hope to grow closer to him and learn more about his plan for my life. this life is just the beginning not the end.

happy thanksgiving to everyone…love you!

wear sunscreen

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

-Mary Schmich (I think) this is an article/book/poem I read in the waiting room in a clinic the other day…I absolutely loved it!

alaska

“the wolf’s lonesome howl, the hoot of the great grey owl;
the spirit of alaska has a majestically call.
the strength of the brown bear, the feel of the fresh air
tames man’s ego and makes it seem small”

-jimmy tohill

i came to alaska this summer to bring my dad, it has been his lifelong dream for as long as i can remember. we have tried to come before, but something always came up, but finally 7 days ago we landed in anchorage alaska. it honestly wasn’t on my list at all but now, a mere week later, i believe everyone should experience alaska! it isn’t your typical vacation, some work is involved, and a good attitude is a must. the weather was never great, it rained a lot, but it never stopped us. we hiked, fished, and viewed the most gorgeous glaciers they were almost surreal. when it was sunny it was even more breathtaking, and to see real live whales, sea lions, otters, seals, and the magnificent grizzly bear. inspiring and indescribable… we adventured into denali our last few days and to see moose and caribou playing in the clear mountain air reminded me to breath deeper, take life a little less seriously, and enjoy the outdoors again. it snowed on the way down the mountain and we took time out to play in it a bit. it was an altogether memorable and cherished trip with my dad and i think you should add Alaska to your list

acts

 james 2: 26 says; “as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.” or as i learned it, faith without works is dead.  the book of acts has been on my heart to study lately.  and low and behold i found i already had study books and materials in my possession.   acts is a history book mostly, but it is a history of the acts of the disciples, the people of god, and the holy spirit after jesus left them here on earth.  i really feel the need to let the in-depth study of this book be an act of mine to clear my spirit and regain perspective.  it is so much more difficult here to stay focused and fix my thoughts on what is true and honorable and right, pure and lovely and admirable, excellent and worthy of praise.  although i know i should.  i listened to pastor rod this morning talk about not quitting, and was convicted that i have not just been lazy but i have been quitting.  on myself.  allowing a different location to give me permission to let my guard down.  i have forgotten the prize. the finish line.  i have a lot of running to do, a lot of work, good deeds, acts, before me, before reaching the finish line.  i hope you will cheer me on so i “don’t get tired of doing what is good.  don’t get discouraged and give up…” (gal 6:9)  i hopefully will be blogging more on what i am learning and feel free to study along with me, we are in this journey together.  finally i ask that you will pray for me, pray that i do learn, i act accordingly, and renew my spirit, my courage, my strength, and my endurance.  and that i find a friend here in dc that is running or will run the race with me to encourage, sharpen, and motivate me.

great love

someone told me friday that i am very open about how in love with my husband i am…she said it was “interesting.” i thought about it all weekend because frankly i wasn’t sure if it was a complement or what.   jason and i have been married for almost 5 years, still a young couple, but supposedly well past the honeymoon stage. and yet, i still feel madly in love with him. and frankly am not ashamed to act like it. after much introspection i determined  a few  unique  and not so unique things, in no particular order, have perhaps caused this “interesting” love of ours to be displayed for others.

1.  literally days after our 1 year anniversary i sent my husband to war for six long excruciating months, and as most military spouses know there is something almost physical that changes inside you when your husband is deployed for the first time.  i spent the entire first day crying…and he was still in the states!  (for at least a couple of days, as they slowly made their way east)  but the thought, the idea that i may never see his beloved face again was life-altering.  i honestly believe that most spouses, especially young spouses,  never face, until tragedy occurs, the frailty of our lives together.  that in an instant one could be gone.   truthfully, jason was as safe in iraq as he is here, but the uncertainty, the knowledge changed my love and appreciation for him and our time together.

2.  jason and i have lived apart in the last 5 years almost equal to the amount of time we have lived together, deployments, tdy’s, missions…and most recently, last year,  jason pcs’d (permanent change of station) without me, because i couldn’t find a job in dc for 5 months.  i know couples who have been married for 25 years and have never spent longer than 2 or 3 days their entire marriage apart.  when jason isn’t here i miss the small things;  the fact that he makes my coffee for me every morning, he brings the salt to the table when i forget it, he always takes the trash out when it is full, our long talks about the really hard stuff in the car when we are stuck and can’t walk away.  i appreciate the details of our shared life together.  his little annoying habits that frustrate me are placed in the background as i realize how unimportant they really are.

3.  god has blessed our marriage and our lives.  we are a christian family, and we trust and believe in god.  when we got married our first act as a married couple was to take communion together to remember christ’s sacrifice and place him quite squarely into the middle of our marriage.  jason and i have struggles, we have weaknesses, we get on each others nerves…we are human.  we have realized we need god to help us overcome.  we are committed to him and to each other, during hard times, good times, sad times.  if it were not for him, i believe there would be no us. 

jason leaves tomorrow, not sure how long he will be gone, hopefully just a couple of weeks, maybe a month.  i am sad but not depressed (just kinda wish i had stayed in school for the semester:)  i will miss him, all the little things, but when he gets back i will appreciate having him around all the more.  i have experienced great love, i am experiencing a great love, and i hope 10, 15, 20, 45 years from now i am still open and show the world unashamed how much i love my husband.

summer adventures

i am taking the summer off school….i am going to bike, hike, camp, run, pray, read, swim, tan, go to alaska, and spend lots of time with the husband.  i intend to reconnect with him, the great outdoors, and my patient god.  i feel like with the new job, school, and new church(es), i have let my physical and spiritual life take a back burner to all the mental activities.  i am looking forward to our summer adventures…and hope to see some of you on the way!

long time no see

wow it has been a minute since i have blogged on here…my bad, guess i have been a busy girl.   life is still happening here in dc.  michelle came up about 2 weeks ago and we had a fantabulous time trying on wedding dresses, eating fabulous food, and giggling lots and lots.  jason’s parents are here now, leaving today.  they made it just in time for the cherry blossom festival, which by the way, if you are in my family, you had BETTER make it up here in the next 4 years for the cherry blossoms, they are absolutely splendid!!  i was so enamored with them, i just kept going back to take more pictures.  i am seriously missing my family right now and it is going to take every bit of will-power not to buy tickets home for easter.  my birthday is good friday and i have four day weekend, lets hope airline prices spike so i am not tempted.  thankfully i will be home in may for heather’s wedding and again to memphis for michelle’s graduation from dental school.  yay!!  i have never been more thankful than skype than i have been this year.  it is such a blessing to get to see your faces and have you visit me right in my living room.  i sent keeli a little dress for julia last week and when they got it justin dressed her all up and called us on skype.  it was wonderful to see her looking so cute and playing around in the outfit.  did my heart good.  well i miss all of you guys and i hope to be a little more consistent on here.  we love you and pray for all of you.

my bubble

wow, i cannot believe it is february 9th and i haven’t posted since last year.  i am in a better place this year thus far.  jason is home, my home life feels safe and normal for the first time in quite a while.  we just re-decorated our entire apartment which was such fun!  i haven’t really added anything or changed anything since we got married, so it was nice.  it is so different and yet both of us really like it.  reminded me of our marriage a bit.  we started out at such a different place than we are now.  of course i knew we would change, people always change but to be so different…not worse…but different as individuals, as a couple than we were just 4 short years ago astounds me.  i recently apologized to jason for everything i said or did the first year of our marriage and that i had no idea what i was talking about and furthermore didn’t mean it. i have to just laugh at myself and what a bubble i have lived in.  why do i think everyone is like me, and thinks like me?  most of the fights jason and i had our first year of marriage were because i wanted him to approach a situation like i would, i wanted him to act as i would…  how strange is that?  and why do i believe that because i was raised in the bible-belt where everyone professes to believe in god whether they act like it or not or even really believe or not that everywhere in the u.s. or even the world holds that same belief.  i am shocked and ashamed at myself for being so naive and honestly insensitive.    so my prayer today is for myself…that i will see people as they are good or bad, same or different, and not how i want to see them.  and pop the bubble i have put myself in.