time keeps on ticking

we are on vacation!!!  14 days of sleeping in, shopping at the outlets, and eating wonderful food.  the first day was perfect and today has been pretty great as well.  i hope you are all having a great time with your friends and families over the holidays and cherishing the ones you love.  time with loved ones cannot be replaced with things or trips or business…time and memories are pretty much the most important things you can share with each other.  i wish you all a very merry christmas and i hope to see you soon, so we can spend some time together. 

NICU

i got the job in the nicu!!!!!!!!!  so excited, and to know right before we leave for the christmas holidays makes it that much sweeter.  i had lots of heartache and heartbreak looking for my first nursing position.  jason and i argued and we prayed and vowed we would sacrifice to get me where i needed to be.  and all along god was up there smiling and knowing this was coming with a little patience.  it makes me feel so humbled and grateful to know that i serve a father that knows my dreams and desires and longs to bless me with them.  i know that i am blessed and i only hope that i can serve him and be a light and use all the blessings he has given me to bless and to serve others.  and i hope god knows just how grateful and thankful i am!

growing

“I recently grabbed a bottle of wine that while decent, definitely tasted “young” when first opened…  New wine to put it generally, tastes “sharper” than older wine while the older stuff, or the wine that’s drunk at the proper age, since that is different for different varieties, is more mellow, rounded, and has much more depth of flavor.

Now, it’s not exactly revolutionary to compare growing older with wine…There was, however, a specific thought that popped into my head as I sipped away.   When we are young we’re prone to passions and extremes, or, at least, I was.  We’re right, invincible, and charging full-steam ahead on whatever it is we feel strongly about today.  Growing older ought to see a depth of flavor and insight, less rashness, and an overall graciousness that develops as we finally get over those “adolescent fears”…

And while the passion remains, and indeed, grows and deepens, it does so with a depth of character not indicated by the impulsiveness and sometimes melodramatic dogmatism of our youth.  As we grow more comfortable with who we are, we are free to listen and seek to understand without becoming defensive.  We are free to extend gracious welcomes and put others at ease, caring for them and respecting them without either compromising our own core beliefs nor rejecting them for theirs.  In other words, we are free to be more fully human, the way we were intended to be when we were created.

Moving into this requires first an understanding of who we are as God’s beloved children, loved not for what we can do, but simply for who we are. Loved no more nor less for our accomplishments or failures, simply loved beyond all comprehension by the one who loved us enough to imagine us into being in the first place.

Now, this is a picture, an ideal if you will, I’m not trying to say I’ve suddenly arrived at this state.  It’s where I want to go from here as I move forward into my next thirty years. Actually, there is no arrival, it’s a continual process, a constant becoming.”

(This is part of a post from Anna Howard, that exactly captured the way I felt about turning 30.  There was something I couldn’t quite put into words that I felt about that moment.  I did not dread but anticipated what it represented, I am glad she was able to so beautifully capture it into the written form)

three

three years ago today on a beautiful frosty november morning i awoke at 5am, immediately sat straight up in bed and said – oh my gosh, today is my wedding day…i am getting married!!!!!  i was sleeping with michelle who for some reason didn’t feel quite the same urgency as me, so i stole out to watch the sunrise and think about what the day would hold.  i knew it would be over so fast and i wanted to savor every single moment.  i knocked on dad’s door about 6 because i knew he would be up and we went out into the lobby and had coffee in front of the fireplace. about 7 i made mom and terry wake up and jumped into bed with them until they kicked me out because i was too boisterous.  we all went and had breakfast although i couldn’t eat much.  jeremy and aubrey were down in the lobby when we got back having breakfast so i sat with them and chatted until about 9 and then realized i need to be at the church in 30 minutes!  after that everything was a blur, getting my hair done, makeup, pictures, dress, more pictures, and then all of the sudden it was time, my love was at the altar waiting for me.  dad brought me down, lifted my veil and with a kiss and a word i was handed over to jason.  the ceremony went without a hitch, the reception was over before it began, and then we were whisked away in our limo for a glorious week of travel and romance.  i couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day, with all my friends, family, and loved ones celebrating the beginning of our lives together.  now three years later, i am more in love than every before.  i have found my husband to be more complex than i imagined, our problems to be more simple.  i realize and thank god everyday that he created such as man as he did to complement and foil me in a most perfect way.  i cannot wait to see what the next three years hold, and the three after that, and the three after that, and the three after that…………….

the kingdom of heaven

Matthew 13
44 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and for joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.
45 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, 46 who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.

The Lamb who was slain is worthy! 

 

droid

i just got verizon’s new droid eris…i am already head over heels in love with this sexy piece of machinery.  i tried the moto droid but it just didn’t entice me the same way…it was all angles and bulk and the keyboard was a hot mess, and this one is sleek and curvy and all touch screen.  i have been playing on it for hours and haven’t gotten bored yet, although i did manage to put off studying for hesi…oops :0)  oh well i am just droid crazy tonight!  jason upgraded to the imagio but they had problems getting it activated for him, so he can’t pick it up until tomorrow.  i felt sorry for him cause i was playing with my new toy and he had to leave his behind, it has been a busy week and the month ahead promises to be even busier.  i hope i see some of you around soon, because we are headed to the west coast for the holidays and won’t be back until after new years.  only 39 days until graduation…woohoo.  that is all my rambling for tonight…goodnight all

nights

well i start my preceptorship in about a week and i will be working nights 7p-7a at uams (what did i say about getting used to the night shift.)  jason is overjoyed b/c he wants us to have the same schedule but i am kind of dreading it.  hopefully it won’t be too bad.  i am starting to stay up late and let my body get used to it, i was up until 3am last night but could only sleep until about 9:30, i hope that changes or i am going to be a tired puppy.  i am working in the icu step-down unit, progressive care, 1:3 nurse patient ratio, too sick to go out onto a floor, but not so sick they need to stay in the icu.  i spoke with my preceptor and he seems pretty cool, hopefully he is a good teacher and will throw me in…which for me is the best way.  i am very excited but that is not to say i am not trepidatious as well, it will be my first time out on the floor without my instructor to fall back on.  and in a way that is liberating, but also downright scary!   so wish me luck, but don’t call during the week…text or facebook will be the best way to get a hold of me, i can answer it when i wake up for lunch, or if i am at work i can answer on break.  i am off on weekends!

3am

its 3am and i must be lonely…nah, just have a crazy schedule esp. with jason working nights. but i might as well get used to it, money says my first job will not be a nifty 7a-7p type of outfit…prolly more of a 4p-4a type gig.  i am getting tired of the rollercoaster of decisions i am having to make right now, and not knowing if or when the house is going to sell, even after we signed a contract seems like things are slipping.  but i am trusting god has a way, he always does.  and i  firmly and irrevocably believe that my faith can indeed move mountains.

forgiveness

¹² Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. ¹³ Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. ¹⁴ Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. ¹⁵ And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

that verse is from Colossians 3; my pastor has been doing a series on forgiveness, a tough topic indeed, and i am very thankful and grateful that in my life right now i feel no need to offer forgiveness and as far as i am aware no one needs forgiveness from me.  but i am trying with all my heart to learn from this series, because i believe this is a very difficult and important lesson for me to learn.  i can only think of three people in all my 30 years that i have had to work to forgive and it took time, effort, space, and constant prayer to clear my spirit.  but thankfully i am on the other side of it and can speak to and even laugh with those people in moments although they have never completely regained my trust, they are not close enough to me anymore that they need to.  but having been through those, i am trying hard to learn from this series because i learned in my situation that unforgiveness eats at you like a nasty cancer, always on your mind, always present even in the good days.  through my experience i had help, but not necessarily biblical verses to lean on.  this verse last week was pivotal for me and it is my hope that i can help so many i see around me struggling with forgiving.  i can understand the hurt, the terribly pain, but in my experience i found that constant forgiveness was the only way i could find my sanity.  over and over and over and over and over, until honestly i was tired of every time i thought of them or saw them i immediately asked for forgiveness for the nasty thoughts that came to mind, and then one day when i was in such a habit of asking for forgiveness toward them that i actually asked god to bless them and then i knew…i had made it to the other side.  and so from then on, i stopped needing to ask for forgiveness because whenever they came to mind or i crossed their path, i asked god to be in their life, and to bless them abundantly.  it was so liberating to my soul, jason and i have since had dinner with them a couple of times, some of them are not in my daily life, but i talk to them occasionally, or comment on facebook.  and i am so glad.  talk to me, i love to talk, i give way too much advise, but i love you and i am honest and all i say comes straight from my heart.

72 days

72 days, 72 days, 72 days…can you envision me dancing around the house, in my fluffy socks?  i just finished my fourth test woohoo…only 1 more plus the final to go!  i cannot believe it is finally around the corner, oh and you are invited to my graduation, december 17th!